Funny Animal Jokes. Get Ready to Go Wild!
Welcome to the jungle of laughs! We've collected the best animal jokes, hilarious animal puns and riddles, and funny animal jokes about every creature on earth. From the fiercest lions to the smallest insects, this is your definitive source for wild, adult animal humor. Guaranteed to be better than a day at the zoo!
A snail is mugged by two tortoises. He goes to the police station to file a report.
The officer asks, "Can you describe what happened?" The snail replies, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Why don't crocodiles like fast food?
Because they can't catch it.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
Two elephants walk off a cliff. Why?
Because they didn't see the funny joke written on the bottom of the page.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call a cow that is sad?
Moo-dy.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Fred?"
Why do fish swim in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why don't chickens wear sweaters?
Because they don't want to be confused with knit wits.
A duck walks into a hardware store and asks for a roll of duct tape.
The clerk asks, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
Pouch potato.
What do you call an angry frog?
A mad toad.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open-toad sandals.
What do you call a donkey that won't share?
Selfish.
A dog walks into a post office and sees a sign that says, "NO DOGS ALLOWED."
The dog says, "Sir, I need to mail this package." The clerk replies, "You can't. The sign says no dogs." The dog says, "But I need to mail this! It's urgent!" The clerk finally sighs, "Fine. But I'll need you to put a stamp on it yourself."
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He was being a little hoarse.
Why are fish always so happy?
They're always in school.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
A man goes to a fortune teller and says, "I want to know if I'm going to find my escaped alligator."
The fortune teller says, "I can't tell you, but I can tell you that you're going to lose your arm." The man screams, "Why?" The fortune teller says, "The card says you're going to hold a hungry alligator."
What does a fish say when it hits a wall?
"Dam!"
What do you call a very thin cow?
Beef jerky.
Why did the invisible man stop bringing his invisible camel to the desert?
Because he kept losing sight of it.
What is a frog's favorite time of year?
Leap year.
Two worms are sitting in the dirt. One looks up and says, "Was that Mom?"
The other worm replies, "No, that was the other end."
Why do pandas like watching old movies?
Because they are in black and white.
A monkey goes to a tailor and orders a new suit. The tailor says, "I'll have it ready in a week."
The monkey says, "Make sure you include a special pouch for my tail!" The tailor replies, "Don't worry, I have a special tool for that." The monkey shouts, "Wait! Don't you dare mention the word 'ape'!"
Why was the whale sad?
Because he was a little blue.
What do you call a bird that can't fly?
A penguin.
I asked my snake if he was poisonous.
He said, "I'm not sure, but I'll bite you and we'll both find out."
What do you call a bull who is sleeping?
An un-bull-ievable sight.
What's a vampire's favorite bird?
A swallow.
A parrot is on a pirate ship. The captain asks the parrot, "Do you have any final words?"
The parrot replies, "I do, but I'm only saying them on the record." The captain says, "There is no record!" The parrot says, "Then you owe me a cracker!"
What do you call a sheep that is always angry?
A ram-page.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What's the difference between a lion and a tiger?
They're both the same, except one is smaller and doesn't have stripes.
What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?
A milk dud.
Why did the cat refuse to share the food?
Because she was feline selfish.
Two owls were sitting on a perch. The first owl says, "Hoo-hoo."
The second owl replies, "That's amazing! You speak perfect English!"
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
What do you call a deer in a fog?
An un-deer-standable mess.
A man goes to a therapist and says, "Doctor, I think I'm a donkey."
The therapist says, "How long have you felt this way?" The man replies, "Ever since I was a little foal."
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
I asked my dog, "What's wrong with the soup?"
He said, "Ruff!"